I have been self-satisfying myself as I have no other choice. Do I, Swati?” My eyes went moist while saying that and she could see it in that dim candlelight.“Oh so sorry Ravi, I never wanted to hurt you by asking that. Please forgive me.” She held my hand in her soft hand and slowly started to press it. Soon she pulled her chair next to mine and held my face in her soft hands.“Look at me, Ravi. See I know you miss your wife but I think you have more options in life. You are a good looking handsome man. I am sure you will find another partner to spend the rest of your life.”“Is that a joke, Swati? I am 52 now do you think any woman will want to spend her life with a man as old as me. Not possible Swati”“Who said you are old? Trust me, I found you very attractive for your age when I saw you for the first time. I had fallen for you immediately. I was wondering if a man as matured as you, who looks so handsome at this age, how good he must be in bed.” I skipped a heartbeat when she said. “Yes, of course. Besides making me feel good, it made me feel very much loved. Something I have not felt too often with you. This is not a complaint, just an observation. Have your feelings for me changed?”“I hadn’t thought about it, really. A lot depends on what you decide to do when you graduate in 1987. In a sense, how I feel doesn’t matter if you decide to return to Russia.”“A practical answer, Stephen Rayevich, but not one that reveals important information.”“I don’t want to influence your decision. If you give up your dream for me, I think you might be very unhappy eventually.”“This is a very unselfish thing to say, Stepa. It is a hard decision, and one I have thought much about. I do not have to decide for another year. Do I have this long to think about it?”“I think so, yes. Could you truly live with an American playboy?” I asked.“If he were to reform, yes, of course!” she giggled. “It is exciting to be with a ‘bad boy’, but this is not what I wish for my husband. Do you.
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